A member pulled me aside after class recently and asked me something I didn't want to answer with a quick one-liner: "How do you deal with anxiety?"

I'm a coach, not a therapist, and I'll tell you where that line is before we're done. But I've dealt with stress and anxiety myself, and a few things have made a real difference for me. Most of them also have solid research behind them. So here's my honest answer, written out properly instead of rushed between sets.

Where your mind lives matters

There's a saying I come back to all the time:

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

It's simple, and it's not the whole story, but it gets one thing right. Anxiety almost always points forward. It's the meeting tomorrow, the bill next month, the conversation you're dreading, the "what if" that hasn't happened and probably won't. Researchers who study anxiety call this repetitive future-focused worry, and it's one of the main things that keeps anxiety going.

The present moment is usually a lot more manageable than the future your brain is building. Right now, you're reading a blog post. You're breathing. Nothing on that "what if" list is happening in this second. When you train yourself to come back to right now, the worry loses some of its grip. You also enjoy more of your actual life: you taste your food, you hear what your kids are saying, you notice the good parts of the day instead of rushing past them.

Why it's harder than ever to stay present

We spend a huge part of our day somewhere else. Scrolling, checking notifications, reading the news, watching other people's highlight reels. Every one of those pulls your attention out of the room you're standing in. For a lot of us, the first thing we touch in the morning and the last thing we touch at night is a phone.

I'll be careful here: the research on screens and anxiety is still debated, and scientists don't agree on how much social media causes anxiety versus just going along with it. What I can tell you from experience is that time online is not the same as time with people. A hundred likes don't do what a real conversation does. Strong in-person relationships are linked to better mental health, and people who feel isolated tend to struggle more with anxiety.

That's one of my favorite things about what happens in our gym. During a session, your phone is in your bag and you're surrounded by people who know your name, push you, and notice when you don't show up. That's presence and connection in the same hour.

Exercise: the one that's never let me down

Exercise has always had a big effect on my stress and anxiety, and the research backs that up. A large 2023 review in the British Journal of Sports Medicine pulled together results from hundreds of studies and found that physical activity reliably lowers anxiety symptoms. Harder sessions tended to help more. Strength training counts too; a 2017 analysis found lifting weights reduced anxiety on its own, no running required.

Two reasons it works stand out to me.

It trains your stress response. Stress and anxiety feed each other. Every workout is a small, controlled dose of stress on your body. Over time, your body gets better at handling that stress and recovering from it, and researchers think that carries over to other kinds of stress too. You get a little less rattled by the stuff that used to knock you sideways.

It teaches you that a pounding heart isn't danger. This one surprised me when I first read about it. A hard workout makes your heart race, your breathing speed up, and your body get hot and sweaty. Those are the same feelings that come with anxiety and panic. When you feel them over and over in a safe place, on purpose, and nothing bad happens, your brain starts to fear them less. Studies have shown exercise can lower this fear of anxious feelings, which researchers call anxiety sensitivity.

You don't need a perfect program. Showing up consistently matters more than any single workout.

What's worked for me

Beyond training, these are the habits I actually use.

Meditation. A few minutes a day of sitting, breathing, and bringing my attention back to the present every time it wanders. That's the whole skill, and it's exactly what the saying above is about. Mindfulness has strong research behind it: a 2022 study in JAMA Psychiatry found an 8-week mindfulness program worked about as well as a common anxiety medication for people with anxiety disorders. If you've never tried it, The Mindfulness App is a good place to start. Five minutes counts.

Planning my day and working the list. When I write out what needs to get done and then go through it one item at a time, my head gets quieter. Unfinished tasks tend to loop in your mind. Research shows that simply making a specific plan for a task cuts down on those nagging thoughts, even before you do the task.

Brain dumping before bed. At night, I write out whatever's on my mind on actual paper: tasks, worries, ideas, all of it. Getting it out of my head and onto the page means I'm not lying there replaying it. A 2018 sleep study found that people who wrote a to-do list before bed fell asleep about nine minutes faster than people who wrote about what they'd already finished that day. Paper matters here, because picking up your phone to take notes puts you right back on the screen.

Cutting back on stimulants. No energy drinks, no pre-workouts. Caffeine in high doses can trigger the same racing heart, jitters, and restlessness as anxiety, and some people are much more sensitive to it than others. If you're dealing with anxiety and you're running on three energy drinks a day, that's the first thing I'd look at. Cut back slowly, though; dropping caffeine cold turkey can give you headaches for a few days.

EFT tapping: worth a try, with honest expectations

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), often called tapping, is something some people find really helpful. You focus on what's making you anxious, say a short statement accepting yourself anyway (something like "Even though I'm stressed about this, I accept myself"), and tap lightly with your fingertips on a series of points on your face and upper body while you breathe.

Here's the honest picture. Some studies have found tapping lowers anxiety, including a 2016 review that pooled the trials on it. But many of those studies were small, and independent reviewers have rated the quality of the main EFT reviews as low. Researchers also still argue about how it works. EFT researchers say tapping the specific points matters. Critics think the benefit comes from the other parts of the method: facing the thing you're anxious about instead of avoiding it, slowing your breathing, and talking to yourself with some kindness.

I know people who teach EFT, and they speak highly of what it's done for the people they work with. If tapping gives you a simple routine to calm down when anxiety spikes, it's worth trying. Treat it as one tool in the toolbox, not a replacement for the bigger stuff in this post or for professional help if you need it.

When to get more help

Everything above can help with everyday stress and worry. But if anxiety is sticking around for weeks, keeping you from sleeping, working, or doing things you used to enjoy, or showing up as panic attacks, please talk to your doctor.

The two most proven treatments for anxiety are a type of talk therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and, for some people, medication. Neither one is a sign of weakness. Asking for help is the same thing you do when you hire a coach: you bring in someone who knows the road better than you do.

If you're ever in crisis or having thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night.

Start with one

You don't need to do all of this tomorrow. Pick one thing: a five-minute meditation, a brain dump on paper tonight, one less energy drink, or one more workout this week. Get good at that, then add the next.

And to the member who asked: thank you. It takes guts to bring this up, and I guarantee you're not the only one in the room wondering.

Mike

Want more posts like this? Join our newsletter and get new articles on training, nutrition, and mindset sent straight to your inbox.

Research referenced

• Singh et al. (2023), British Journal of Sports Medicine: physical activity for depression, anxiety, and distress, an umbrella review

• Gordon et al. (2017), Sports Medicine: resistance exercise training and anxiety

• Smits et al. (2008), Depression and Anxiety: reducing anxiety sensitivity with exercise

• Hoge et al. (2022), JAMA Psychiatry: mindfulness-based stress reduction vs. escitalopram for anxiety disorders

• Masicampo & Baumeister (2011), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: plan making and unfinished goals

• Scullin et al. (2018), Journal of Experimental Psychology: General: bedtime to-do lists and falling asleep

• Clond (2016), Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease: EFT for anxiety, a systematic review and meta-analysis

• Church et al. (2018), Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease: is acupoint tapping an active ingredient in EFT?